I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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