6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
