Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
