if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this just has baby written all over it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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