went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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