he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize