Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
