Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
