There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
