Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
