You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
