Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
