So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
