she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
