Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
