Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
