I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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