make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
