so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
