Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
