Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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