...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
