I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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