You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
