Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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