I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
