I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
