You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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