I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
