Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
