He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
