I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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