dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
