ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
