were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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