genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
