Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
