Can Purell be used as lube?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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