Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
