I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
