I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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