her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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