Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
