I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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