hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
