awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize