your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
