I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
