Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
