I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
