and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
