i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
