Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dignity is for republicans.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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