i would punch a child for taco bell
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
