last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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