Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
