im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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