i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
