Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
time to smoke my breakfast
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize