On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
