If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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