Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
