She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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