Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
