Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
