Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
