watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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