Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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